Monday, September 24, 2012

Mitt's New Plan: Go See Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber


I think a little more bloodletting and some boar's vomit, and he'll be just fine.
~ Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber

Mitt Romney wants everything to go back to the 1950s when people paid doctor bills with hickory nuts and the poor just fended for themselves.

"Well, we do provide care for people who don't have insurance. If someone has a heart attack, they don't sit in their apartment and die. We pick them up in an ambulance, and take them to the hospital, and give them care. And different states have different ways of providing for that care."
~ Mitt Romney in an interview with Scott Pelley of CBS's "60 Minutes" that aired Sunday night

His new Health Care plan is actually a rip-off of a Democrat - Alan Grayson of Florida. Remember what he said?

"If you get sick, America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly."

In fact, it's easy to believe that Mitt has become so retro in his ideas, maybe thanks to High Inquisitor and Rape Expert Paul Ryan, that he wants to go much further back . . . to the Middle Ages.

Joan: Will she be alright?

Theodoric of York: Well, I'll do everything humanly possible. Unfortunately, we barbers aren't gods. You know, medicine is not an exact science, but we are learning all the time. Why, just fifty years ago, they thought a disease like your daughter's was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft. But nowadays we know that Isabelle is suffering from an imbalance of bodily humors, perhaps caused by a toad or a small dwarf living in her stomach.

Hmm, he went to the Todd Akin school of Medicine!


Joan: You charlatan! You killed my daughter, just like you killed most of my other children! Why don't you admit it! You don't know what you're doing!

Theodoric of York: [ steps toward the camera ] Wait a minute. Perhaps she's right. Perhaps I've been wrong to blindly folow the medical traditions and superstitions of past centuries. Maybe we barbers should test these assumptions analytically, through experimentation and a "scientific method". Maybe this scientific method could be extended to other fields of learning: the natural sciences, art, architecture, navigation. Perhaps I could lead the way to a new age, an age of rebirth, a Renaissance! [ thinks for a minute ] Naaaaaahhh!

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